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"You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."

"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

"What in the world do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in a knot?"

"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."

"Give me that!" "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside- down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."

"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"

"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"

"Have you been drinking?"

"Where's the cat?"